This is the generation that will abolish abortion

Tough Questions Series: My Friend is Pregnant and Considering Abortion, What do I Say to Her? Should I Say Anything to Her?

This is probably one of the hardest questions I have to answer, and unfortunately it is asked too often. I have talked to countless women who were considering abortion. I wish I could tell you that I was able to talk all of them out of an abortion, but I can’t. There are no magic words that you can say that will automatically change someone’s mind. There is no set answer that will work in every situation.

There are several things that we have to consider in order to answer this question. The first thing I would like to address is our own heart and how we react to someone who comes to us in this situation.

If you have been involved in the pro-life movement, or know someone who is heavily involved, you probably have seen the passion we have for life. This passion can often be overwhelming for some and even scare many people away from the pro-life movement if it is not tempered with love.

I can tell you from my own experience that I have turned many people from pro-life work with my own actions. I have used my knowledge and passion to attack those who did not agree with me. I have spoken without thinking about the words I was saying, and hurt people I was trying to reach. While I was trying to love the baby, I forgot to love the mother I was trying to reach out to.

Before I was a Christian I remember Christians preaching at me and telling me I was going to burn in hell. I just laughed at them and disregarded anything they had to say. It was a doctor in a hospital who, instead of telling me how evil I was, told me how valuable I was to God that finally got through to me. That doctor loved me and showed me the love of Christ, and God used that to break my heart and bring me to Him.

In the same way God used that doctor to love me, we must let God use us to love someone considering abortion. The words we use must be words of hope and love, not words of judgment and condemnation. I must make it clear that the doctor who talked with me did not save me, Christ did. While God used that doctor, it was God alone who opened my heart and showed me that I needed Christ.

Something I think a lot of people forget when they’re talking to women about abortion is the woman herself. We get so wrapped up in talking about her baby that we forget about her and what she’s going through. A woman considering abortion is often scared, confused, hurt, and feeling alone. She often thinks there is no other option for her and there is no one there for her. If we only talk about her baby, and ignore her, then we just reinforce what she is already feeling.

In order to talk to a friend about this, we must first be ready to listen. We must be able to understand what our friend is going through and be able to talk about her problems and needs. Just convincing her that her baby is really a baby does not take away whatever brought her to this decision.

Then it comes time to talk to our friend about the life of the child in her womb. We must never approach this in a situational way. So many people think that the situation someone is in defines the level of personhood of the child. There are no levels of personhood, there is only personhood. We must establish the personhood of the child in the womb.

We must also be knowledgeable about life and what life is. If we cannot answer basic questions about the life of the child, then how can we expect someone to trust us or listen to us. In situations like this I would highly encourage you to take your friend to a pregnancy resource center to talk to a trained counselor. Many of these centers have doctors and nurses on staff and even free ultrasound machines. You can always call 1-800-395-help and they will connect you to the center closest to you.

While getting your friend to a pregnancy resource center would be the best option, many times they won’t want to talk to anyone else. In a situation like this you can always call us at Stand True and we can get you the resources you need to help your friend. We would be happy to mail you literature, fetal models or any other resource you need to talk to your friend. Our contact information can be found on our web site, http:// www.standtrue.com , and there are a lot of resources for you under the “Educate Yourself” section.

This would bring us to the second half of the question, “Should I say anything?” One of the most common things I hear from people is that they don’t want to push their beliefs on someone else. Though they believe abortion is wrong, they worry that it’s not their place to tell anyone else that it is. There is really no logic at all in this line of thinking.

There are people who believe it is ok to beat their children or beat their wives. There is an actual organization that believes it is OK for grown men to have sexual relations with young boys; truly believes that it is OK. I would ask someone who did not like to push their beliefs on someone else if they would ignore someone beating their wife? Would they look the other way if a man was going to harm a young boy?

If the child in the womb is a human person then we have an obligation to stand up for their life. It is not a question of pushing your beliefs on someone, but a matter of loving our neighbor as our self.

With all of this said, I would also encourage you to pray for your friend and offer them prayer. Even if they are not a Christian, many times they would welcome prayer in rough situation. Prayer is the most powerful tool that we have and it works. After all, it’s not really you who will change your friend’s heart, it is God.

Please feel free to ask us for prayer in these situations also. You can always e-mail me directly and ask for prayer.

7 Comments

  1. Posted December 30, 2011 at 2:06 pm | Permalink

    Hey Bryan. Thanks for your willingness to pray for others. Hang in there and know that prayers are being said for you as well.

  2. gabrielle
    Posted January 24, 2012 at 12:17 am | Permalink

    I read the article and its pretty close to my situation. My best friend ally is pro abortion. And I’m the complete opposite. Well ally recently found out that she’s pregnant and opted for abortion. See when I was 16 I found out I was pregnant, I was terrified, but for me I couldn’t sacrifice something so innocent for my mistakes. And now my son is 6. It was the hardest but the best decision. Now when I was 3 months pregnant, Allysons mother was 24 weeks pregnant with a baby boy. And ally went with her mother to abort him. I have said pretty much everything I could possibly say for her to understand that I love her regardless and that I’m here for her 100 percent. But I have been friends with ally my whole life and I know everytime she cries, and the uncertainty in her voice that she’ll regret this decision. All because the father is young and immature, and doesn’t want to take responsibility. If you have any advice or if you can pray for her and the life inside of her, my prayers will be answered..

  3. Marina
    Posted May 10, 2013 at 2:25 pm | Permalink

    Please pray for my friend Aimee. She is strongly considering an abortion. Thank you!

  4. Aili Tarikas
    Posted September 23, 2014 at 6:58 pm | Permalink

    Me and my best friend have known each other for 10 years. She calls me the other day and says she is pregnant and her ex-boyfriend, not only has another child, but is a “dead-beat”. She doesn’t want to have any connection with this man and her finances aren’t good either. She schedule an appointment two weeks from now to have an abortion. I told her I will still be her best friend and I told her about a private adoption. I know this great couple who is wanting to adopt and I know the baby will be in great hands. I even told her if she decides to keep it, she has a great, supporting family and I will help her even if I am in the Navy. The other issue she is having, other than the dad, is her health. The women on her mom side of the family always has issues when pregnant to where it was either their life or the baby’s. A lot of miscarriages happen too within her family. I’m praying everyday since, but it feels like time is running out :/ So, pray that God gives her right decision and, if she does decide to keep it, then have great health throughout the pregnancy.

  5. Bruce Foster
    Posted December 22, 2014 at 8:09 pm | Permalink

    I never thought that I would be in the situation I am now. My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 5 months now. Our relationship has had plenty of challenges, but we’ve managed to pull through. She is a case manager who works with people with servere mental illness, and I am an admissions representative for a vocational college. We both make decent money. She is extremely fearful of what her parents will say, and runs the risk of having them disown her. The argument for leaning towards the abortion is that she is simply too young, and still has a lot of things in her life that a baby would hinder. I don’t know what to say. Since she’s found out about her pregnancy she has been very unhappy with the news, and has scheduled the abortion for December 26. Time is ticking, and might thoughts are in limbo. One side of me wants the baby, and the other side of me wants to support her 100%, like I’ve always said I would. What do I do? I feel like if we do this, her and I will never be the same.

  6. Naomi
    Posted September 22, 2015 at 6:54 pm | Permalink

    Please pray for my friend who is leaning towards an abortion. She confided in me when she found out she was pregnant and even admitted that she was excited. She already has a 5 year old boy with the same father. In my eyes the father is a loser, always ditching out on his son and has never once paid child support. He is not committed and uses my friend and walks all over her. She wants to keep the baby inside of her but after talking to the father she now wants an abortion because he says so and she’s afraid she can’t do it on her own. It breaks my heart because I know she really does want this baby. I care so much about her as well as this baby. I don’t know how to steer her away from abortion and feel prayer and god is the only way.

  7. Micaela Sanchez
    Posted May 10, 2016 at 9:29 am | Permalink

    Please pray for my niece she is 16 and has a mild form of cerebral palsy and just found out she is two months pregnant. She wants to get an abortion. I asked her what her reasons were and she told me she felt like she would be judged and shamed and she was misinformed that the baby would have complications of its own. I’ve tried everything to let her know she will be ok but her grandmother keeps saying she is to young and its wrong for her to keep the baby now all I have left is prayer and hope that by the good grace of god he can change their minds.

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